I would really like to be writing this blog from the future. In the present you see, this blog does not function properly. Right now, the photos won’t load. I experienced the same problem with my software a year ago, and it was pretty much the death knoll to my already tenous relationship with this blog. How could I put words into the world without a photo to sweeten the deal, to break up all of that text? I could not. Hence, not a post since. As I still feel strongly commited to my need for pictures, I am pretty sure that you readers, whomever there may be left out there, must be reading these words from the future.
How does it feel out there in the beautiful future where my blog works as it should and pictures can be loaded? Are other problems fixed too? Is the weather in New York the way that January is supposed to be yet, or is it still doing a brazen imitation of sexy sunlit springtime? I really can’t stand it when the weather doesn’t know its place. It’s like watching your thirteen year old daughter leaving the house looking slutty, but having no power to stop her because she is only made of air and heat and light. All I can do is stuff myself into my parka and pretend it isn’t happening.
I am aware that this is not much of a strategy, but I don’t know what else to do about changing the weather. I can hardly even manage my own blog. As far as I have been able to understand how computer programming works, it seems also to be controlled predominantly by air and heat and light. There seem to be some special people out there who have powers with these elements, and if you can get them to help you put your words and your pictures onto the screens (which are certainly entirely composed of light) then you are very lucky indeed. If you are not lucky in this way, you get to just think your thoughts and tell them to friends or write them in emails.
I wonder if I could write an interesting story about how difficult it has been for me to get my blog working again? Maybe a screen play? The details are too tedious to reproduce here, but there are a few highlights that could be fun to write about. Like the time that my friend and I were meeting up every week to get my website fixed, and then she just disappeared and never called me back or responded to any of my emails for four months. A good dramatic element would definitely be what happened the day before my birthday, when I was getting on the train to meet a guy who was going to finally help me fix my site, and I jerked my head around to watch a man selling a few Newport cigarettes to someone (I wanted to see how many went for a dollar), and I gave myself an intense neck injury and had to hobble back home and lay face up in bed for days. Would we maybe do a musical montage scene to show me attempting to cleanse my internet karma: meditating, lighting a candle, building a replica of an old mac out of cardboard, filling it with cookies and sending it to a nice tech guy who helped me with old computer issues and who I had never paid for it?*
This blog post is in itself a karmic gesture. I decided that if I wrote the entry, and had it ready and waiting, there would be more of an impetus for the powers of light and air to want to assist me in making it all work again. They would see that I am here, ready, believing in the future and trying to make it a nice place, and they would generously allow me the assumption that my blog = nice. They would smile on me and teach me just enough about their powers so that I could solve some of my own basic WordPress problems, and maybe if they like what I wrote, they would consider making my hair look good for a few days. Hair is definitely in their jurisdiction. (Bringing winter back seems like maybe too much to ask.)
*I enjoy metaphors, lies, and embellishments, but everything in this paragraph is fact.