doll

THE WOMAN YOU WANT HER TO BE

I’ve been wanting to explain why I haven’t been looking in your eyes. I’ll admit I was hoping that you would simply understand without my having to put this into words, but maybe it’s too much to hope that you’d possess that sort of attention to detail, to my details.  I haven’t been looking at you because my eyes are very sensitive. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed my eye color. It’s mirror. The people who made me gave me mirror-colored eyes so that when they looked at me they would be able to see themselves. It worked, and they could see themselves clearly and I could see them staring deep into my eyes, lovingly looking at their own reflections. The people who made me spent a lot of time looking at me, at themselves at me. It gave me the notion that this is what people do with each other.

I’m studying some techniques developed for people with mirror eyes to be able to make eye contact without producing a reflection of the onlooker’s image. Ideally, when others look in my eyes they will perceive something like bright light or a glow. This should cause me less irritation and unpleasant sensation, and hopefully it’s going to be an improved experience for the onlookers as well. (Whatever disappointment they first feel about not seeing themselves in my eyes will, one hopes, be alleviated once they experience the new thing they see in me, whatever it is). The technique incorporates the natural sensitivity of the eye surface and somehow amplifies it. In theory it functions similarly to the light inside of a lighthouse; the source of a lighthouse’s giant beam of light is actually a very small mirror sitting inside of a lens. A lighthouse shines as brightly as it does because of the power of the energy being aimed at the little mirror. The protective lens that resting around the mirror amplifies the light. It’s a delicate combination of elements.

I do plan to start opening my eyes in the presence of others at some point. One consideration will be not causing injury to those who look at me, from the force of what shoots out of my eyes. It will require some practice and along with a handful of other pursuits I am working on it.

February 28, 2015